Even though it kind of makes me want to cower like a 2 year old being punished for something I did wrong, it is so uplifting at the same time. It is so humbling and encouraging that the Lord cares enough about me to do just that...let me know He cares.
I have been struggling recently with feelings of stress, anxiety, lack of control (which I don't ever have problems with of course), and frustration about being on bedrest. If you know me at all, you won't be surprised by this frustration with my lack of control over the situation. I feel totally helpless and pretty much like a bum. My WONDERFUL husband has been working overtime at home to fulfill ALL our needs. He is cooking, cleaning, caring for me and the kids on top of working and trying to maintain order in our home. He is doing a fabulous job by the way! But, it is hard to watch him having to take this all on and not be able to help!
My family has been so great too, helping out so much with the boys, running errands, and just keeping me company and forcing me to sit with my feet up. My friends have also been generous as well making meals, stopping by to help out and for visits, calling, texting or emailing. I feel like a prisoner and they all have no idea how much it means to me to have them take time from their busy schedules just to show me they love me!
Last week I was feeling overwhelmed by all the unknowns, my lack of control, and the stress of how are we going to make it if this continues? My husband listened to me rant and rave and calmly reminded me that instead of spending my time worrying I should be thinking of all the reasons why I am thankful for my present situation. Huh? Maybe I am a minority, but that certainly isn't my first response to a time like this. It should be, but it isn't.
However, once I started listing off all the things to be thankful for regarding my current situation, I could feel the Lord filling the darkness inside of me with light! So instead of worrying about how the money will stretch far enough, or if our baby will make it weeks more before delivery, or how much longer the boys are going to make it before they crack, I am being thankful.
I am thankful that...
- First of all that this is God's plan for me, our child, and our family. Even though this wasn't my plan, it is the best one because it is His.
- Our baby has tolerated this whole ordeal beautifully! He or she has never been in distress or showing signs of being compromised. PRAISE the LORD!!!!!
- Even though I am not working, I do have some time saved for maternity leave and am still getting a pay check for the time being.
- The boys have been struggling with this change, but are really handling it marvelously.
- I am in my own home on bedrest and not in the hospital!
- I can get up and move around my house a little bit, still able to shower each day, and still able to care for my kiddos (even if it is modified).
- I have an amazing support system including my family and friends who have been angels during all this
- My health is fine and I do not have any compromising factors that could complicate this bedrest/pregnancy even more!
- I am almost 32 weeks (Thursday) and that itself is amazing!
- God is in control!
So should I have been surprised that the sermon on Sunday was about being thankful in EVERY circumstance? Probably not. I was overwhelmed with tears and thankfulness as I was directed to verse after verse after verse in the bible referring to this exact command. God is good. I am thankful for that.
I pray I am able to continue this more positive and gracious way of thinking as I continue down this road with unknown turns, stops, valleys, and mountains. I am only able to do this with the strength of Christ.
I will also sure be thankful to hold this little bugger who has been causing all this excitement (whenever that may be). I am hoping that it will be later, but am still looking forward to it!