Friday, April 30, 2010

Right before my eyes

How did these two sweet little boys...

become so grown up...

right before my eyes!


The other night they requested to help make supper and wash dishes with me! I was blown away! I had a flash back watching them standing at the sink 2 years ago when we lived in Iowa City. I used to strip them down to their diaper/underwear when they were little and let them "wash dishes" while I made supper. It was the perfect activity to keep them distracted, in my sight, and washed the floor a bit when they were done!

I almost had them strip down to their undies for the picture, but decided it would be best NOT to encourage that, plus I probably shouldn't share that picture on here!

I am fortunate that the boys have inherited their dad's love for cleaning. They are excellent helpers (when it's their idea) and I am becoming more laid back about letting them help and not worrying so much about doing it "right" and just focusing on helping them learn the importance of having a servant heart.

It's still been rough at our house, as far as listening goes, but I am thankful for moments above that help me remember what is really important!

Double Take

One of the comments we hear from people when they see Isaac is how he is absolutely beautiful and looks just like is mother...or not. Actually the comment we hear the most is, "he looks just like his big brothers!" We see both the boys in him, which is fun. I don't have any baby pics of Jonah on the computer to compare, but these are pictures of Elijah and Isaac. I guess they do look pretty similar!

Full body shot of both boys at 2 months

Head shot of both boys at 2 months

It is crazy that these 3 boys look so much alike, but still so different!

I can't wait to see what they look like as teenagers...well I can wait. They are definitely growing too fast! Slow down boys!

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

2 months old!

My baby is 2 months old!

I can hardly believe it. I took him in Tuesday for his 2 month check up and he is a BIG boy... weighing in at 14 lbs 6.5oz and 24 1/2 inches long!

I know you aren't supposed to compare your children, but who doesn't do it?

If you are an anti-child-comparer just look away and if you aren't here the other two boys' stats at 2 months: Jonah was 12 lbs 14 oz and 24in long, Elijah was 13 lbs 4 oz and 24 3/4 in long.

Isaac just might be the biggest littlest brother.

He has definitely won ALL our hearts, but clearly I am his favorite.
(Why else would he wear shirts like this?)

He continues to be amazingly sweet and is spoiling me rotten.

Here are some fabulous facts about my favorite 2 month old:

  • Isaac continues to be a SUPER sleeper at night going for 4-6 hour stretches. He will wake up, eat quickly, fill his pants, and finish eating after his diaper change and be back to sleep in no time. Then he will sleep for another 4-5 hours! He also doesn't really fuss or cry when he wakes up. I will hear him in his crib sucking on his fists and cooing.

  • He LOVES to "talk" and has some great facial expressions to accompany his cooing. He and I have some great conversations late at night after his big brothers are in bed or when we are up in the early hours of the morning for feedings. The furrowed brow cooing is my favorite. He has such important things to say for only being 2 months old!

  • His big brothers are both pretty fond of him. Elijah loves him on his own time and is transitioning very well to sharing his momma. Jonah continues to be his twitter update notifying anyone in the vicinity of Isaac's current status: "Isaac is sleeping. Isaac is awake. Isaac is cooing. Isaac just lifted up his hand...."

  • He is a BIG boy and is wearing 6-9 month clothes already! Yikes!

  • He still has the exact same color hair as me and bright blue eyes. His eyelashes are beautiful and long just like Elijah's.

  • He is also a great breast feeder and he LOVES his momma.

  • He enjoys being held or wrapped in the Moby, but also likes stretching out on the floor and playing. His newest trick is lifting both legs up in the air and tipping over.

  • He likes his pacifier, but his life doesn't depend on it.

  • He also really likes to be swaddled and occasionally if he hasn't been sleeping for too long and wakes up I can just swaddle him a little tighter and he will go right back to sleep! (If you are jealous please understand that our other two NEVER did this so we have put in many sleepless nights to get here)
  • He also "thumps" his foot when he is waking up or going to sleep. It is hilarious and I felt him do this in my tummy!
  • He recognizes the voice of his brothers, daddy, and grandparents. It is so fun to see his face light up when he sees them.
  • He is also quite a flirt and smiles for anyone who is looking. He does smile more for ladies and I have been amused many times when I leave church with a frantic, frustrated, and LOUD infant to go breastfeed who quickly becomes all smiles when he sees the other mommies in the breastfeeding room!
  • One of my other favorite things is that he slowly moves his index fingers up and down (as if he was typing on a keyboard) as he falls asleep. Elijah used to do this as an infant too!

Isaac, we are so blessed to have you in our family! You are a constant reminder to me of God's perfect timing and love. I am so proud to be your mommy! I pray for many more months together and am enjoying watching you grow and learn about your world.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

A few more quotes...

I just had to write these down quick before I forgot! Here are a few more quotes from the boys...

Richard and I were marveling at how adorable Isaac was last night as we were making supper. Each time we passed him on the floor playing we would comment on his cuteness. Jonah came in from playing outside and heard us. He then went and stood over Isaac with his hands on his hips and proudly announced, "Well, we sure make cute kids don't we?" and then he headed outside. Richard had to burst his bubble and let him know that he had nothing to do with it!


We have been "playing school" during the day and yesterday during lunch we were learning about the letter S, squares, and the color blue. We each took turns thinking of things that started with the letter S, were shaped like a square or were blue. Then I made a sign incorporating all three things and hung it up. Jonah was super excited and wanted to make one for the next day so we decided to do the letter R, color red and circle. Jonah was so excited he started thinking of items that fell into each of those categories. When he was thinking of words that started with the letter R he said "Hey, I know! The pirate know Rrrrrr matey?"


We have been working on what constitutes an "emergency" when the boys are playing and someone gets hurt and needs help. We were at my parents house and the boys were outside playing. I heard Jonah wailing and he sounded ligitimately hurt. He also can be quite dramatic so sometimes a hang nail can provoke the same siren wail as a scraped knee! We have NO idea where he gets that!

Anyway, so Elijah comes running in the house yelling

E: Mom, there's a 'mergency! Quick!

Me: Elijah what is it? Is Jonah hurt? (I am holding Isaac who is feeling crummy from shots so I set him down and tell Elijah to stay by him so he doesn't get scared)

E: Got it mom! I won't move. I will protect him from the evil warriors.

Me: Just stay there Elijah I will be right back.
(So I run outside to check on Jonah and discover it is a minor knee scrap that is miraculously better with the mention of cartoons. As we head inside through the garage door, Isaac startles himself and starts crying. Elijah is no where to be seen)

Me: Elijah where are you?

E: (running in from the front door) Here I am.

Me: Elijah where were you? I asked you to stay by Isaac.

E: There was another 'mergency!

Me: There was? What was it?

E: The ice cream man was driving by and he didn't know that I needed ice cream!

(At this moment I was torn between feeling proud and being upset with him. That really can be an emergency some times...needing ice cream and not having it!)

Thursday, April 22, 2010

He has met me there

The Lord your God is with you
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing.
Zephaniah 3:17

I have been chosen to lead these 6 little feet and
He has met me there

During my days of frustration and feelings of inadequacy as a mother, wife and friend
He has met me there

When I have spent the day in tears wondering just where I have gone wrong
He has met me there

While wondering if my children will ever obey again
He has met me there

When I am exhausted physically, emotionally, and spiritually at the end of the day
He has met me there

With a tear stained face and an aching heart
He has met me there

After I begrudgingly fell to my face in front of the Lord, and realized my mommy makeover wasn't going to start with a wonderful massage, pedicure or manicure (even though that sounds pretty fabulous right now), but a major change in my has been a little better.

During a late night or early morning feeding, when the house was quiet, I spent more time in tears begging the Lord for help. Realizing that I had been going at this all wrong. I was trying to do it all by myself. Why? I am not sure. Perhaps I wanted to be supermom, or just impress my husband. It is pretty rewarding to know that some days I was able to clean the house, bathe all three kids, get a shower in myself, and still manage to stay sane. Other days I find it quite an accomplishment that we are all alive at the end of the day!

When I finally became still and allowed the Lord to be in control, I have been overwhelmed with His love and peace. The tears are still coming, but not because my children are still forcing me to not let my guard down EVER during the day, but because of the love I have felt from the Lord all day.

This love has come in many forms.

When I normally would lose my temper, I have felt peace engulfing me.

When I would have unleashed words that should not have been said I have been silent.

When I have felt like waving the flag of defeat, I have been encouraged.

I have shared this before, but I often need quite a few signs to get back on the path the Lord has set for me when I have tried to travel the wrong way.

I need the flashing detour sings to be a little brighter. I need the sweet voice of the Garmin lady of my GPS system to be a little louder.

Instead of hearing her politely say "in 1.5 miles turn right." When I do travel off course, "recalculating" isn't going to cut it. I usually need a more passionate approach with a little gusto: "HEY LADY? WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING? DID YOU SEE THE SIGNS? YOU ARE GOING THE WRONG WAY!"

So I have been humbled after reading emails and texts from friends filled with notes of encouragement! These have all been received exactly when I needed them. I even had one in the mail! Thank you for taking the time to reach out!

I love listening to music and often have itunes playing on the computer set to random during the day. The Lord has also used the music to meet me when I have needed it.

Even though most of my challenges have surrounded my children, the Lord has used them as well. I have been trying to cherish the little things during the day and not let the big things weigh be down so greatly.

It's pretty hard to not smile when your 5 year old almost hyperventilates with excitement asking you if you knew that squirrels could run on fences. Or if while praying with your 3 year old for Jesus to make his "owie" better he interrupts you and wants you to pray for Jesus to heal the owie "like when he touched the man and healed him all better in the bible story we read mommy"

When I lay in bed at the end of each day feeling defeated
He has met me there

When I open my eyes in the morning dreading what it will bring
He has met me there

The beautiful thing is I don't have to worry or be fearful
Because He has already met me there.

I may not be supermom, or have a clean house or even get to shower every day but I do know

the Lord loves me despite my shortcomings.

I am not much different than my toddlers who need frequent reminders.

He will never leave me and is right beside me through it all.

The best part is each day is another chance to travel down that path

And just maybe today the sweet Garmin lady won't even have to yell at me!

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Audrey Caroline

Here is a video of Audrey and the song "I will Carry you"
(You will have to pause the music at the bottom of my blog to hear the music in this video)

I will carry you

"I will Carry You" by Selah

There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?People say that I am brave but I’m not
Truth is I’m barely hanging on
But there’s a greater story
Written long before me
Because He loves you like this

So I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And I will praise the One Who’s chosen me
To carry you

Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But I know
That the silence
Has brought me to His voice
And He says…

I’ve shown her photographs of time beginning
Walked her through the parted seas
Angel lullabies, no more teary eyes
Who could love her like this?

I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All your life
And I will praise the One Who’s chosen Me
To carry you

I wasn't able to find a way to attach the song to this post. It is absolutely beautiful. It was written in honor of Audrey, Angie Smith's daughter who passed away. Her husband is one of the singers for Selah. Listening to this song brings back so many memories and even though my heart is breaking when I listen, my soul is singing to our Grace.

Monday, April 19, 2010


Lately our littlest man has been working on tummy time and we have heard him really complaining for the first time! He isn't real great at it because his mommy doesn't want to put him down long enough for him to practice!

Lately I have been performing surgery on toys.
These poor batmans had an unfortunate encounter with a 3 year old and silly putty.
I warned them that next time they might not be so lucky.
I was able to "save" them, but they do have a new improved look. Tie dye capes are in right?

Lately the warmer weather has allowed for some little bare feet to be exposed.
These happen to be the cleanest little feet in our house, since they aren't running around outside yet. Don't you just want to kiss them!

Lately a certain littlest brother has been loved on by his big brothers quite frequently.
(They are also using him as a stalling tactic for bedtime...needing to give him kisses)

Lately I have been reading Angie Smith's book and LOVING IT!!!!
If you have any babies in heaven this will surely touch our soul.
It is the story of her sweet Audrey who was not able to survive outside of her momma, yet Angie and her husband chose not to terminate the pregnancy and have used her story to share God's love and glory!

Don't forget to read it with a box of Kleenexes.
My fabulous hubby got it for me for Christmas (when it was pre-released) and it just arrived!
You can purchase it here.
Or you can borrow mine after I read it over and over again.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

A little sunshine in my life

We have been enjoying some BEAUTIFUL weather lately.

It has been so refreshing to feel the sunshine warming my face and soul.

It has also been wonderful to have the windows open.

The breeze blowing in has been a breath of fresh air (no pun intended).

I recently had a little more sunshine in my life from this beautiful gift...

The same day I confessed the darkness in my life here, my loving neighbor brought a beautiful bouquet of flowers over and a card filled with words that moved me to tears.

She just wanted me to know she was thinking of me.

I was not only moved to tears by her kind words and thoughtful gift, but by the peace that filled my spirit when I saw it. I had prayed earlier that day for God to give me one little sign.

One sign so that I could know that I was doing what He desired.

(I was thinking more in terms of two toddlers obeying and listening for just one hour)

I also received a phone call and a text from both my sisters that brightened my soul too.

A few spontaneous date nights with my hubby have also done a tremendous job clearing out the darkness that has been haunting me.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't still struggling.

I am working on changing that though and trying to be patient.

I have also been trying to enjoy the moments with my kiddos even if they are less then ideal.

It hasn't been easy.

Trying to find joy while your toddler is screaming at you in Target for not buying him a toy he wanted is not easy.

Trying to find joy when he is so loud that 3 people who are in completely different areas of the store find out you are there because they hear his tantrum...not easy.

However, the sweet sound of "I love you mommy!" sure helps.

While I wait for the clouds to roll by

I am praying for more sunshine in my life.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

"The Gift of an Ordinary Day" by Katrina Kenison

This video was sent to me by a friend.

It was so encouraging to me and I certainly did NOT cry the entire time thinking about my own two boys growing up too fast!

I am sure you will NOT cry either!
(better grab a few kleenexes just in case)

Special Visitors

"A friend is one who strengthens you with prayers, blesses you with love and encourages you with hope." -Author unknown

This quote describes some special visitors who blessed us with their company yesterday...

The Hogans!
All 9 kiddos together!

We met this fabulous family when we lived in Iowa City. We ran into them at church and Cindy recognized Richard from when they had worked together at the Green Mill in Grand Forks. To make a long story short, we quickly became friends. Well actually the Hogans became more like family to us. They opened their arms and their home to us on many occasions. They took care of us often, feeding us, watching the boys for us, and challenging us to live our lives for Christ.

When we met them we were pregnant with Jonah and they had 3 children. Now we have 3 kids and they have 6! They moved to Wisconsin shortly before we moved back home to Grand Forks. We haven't seen them since we moved and miss them lots!

It was a quick visit, but a wonderful one. The kids had a great time playing and everyone was pretty disappointed when it was time for them to go. We will just have to go visit them in Wisconsin this summer I guess! It was so nice to see Cindy and catch up a bit. She has always been a wonderful mentor for me as a mother, friend, and fellow sister in Christ. It was so encouraging to visit with her, even though it was so brief. (Thanks for the verse Isabelle! I certainly needed to hear that!)

I made a batch of apple snicker salad for the occasion. This was a common treat we ate together when we both lived in Iowa City. It disappeared pretty quickly between the kiddos and the mommas!

Thanks again for taking time to stop by our home Hogans! We love you and miss you and hope to make a trip your way this summer! Elijah is still talking about bringing his sword and playing in the "castle"!

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Just to see you smile

Just to see you smile...

I'd do anything, like take 100 pictures...

FINALLY capturing that toothless grin...

That melts my heart and warms my soul...

and makes me one happy momma!

Life from the eyes of a 5 year old

Kids say the darnedest things. I only wish I could write down everything they have said. I try to at least remember the funniest comments from the day. Lately Jonah has been cracking me up with his views on life and his commentary. Here are just a few of the recent ones...


Jonah: Mom, wouldn't life be sweet if nothing ever "broked" or needed batteries?

Me: Yep, that would be sweet wouldn't it?

Jonah: Yeah...but life's just not like that is it?


Last week Elijah was supposed to be picking up the toys in the basement. I was feeding Isaac so I asked Jonah to check on Elijah for me and see if he was doing what he had been told to do.

Jonah returned and informed me that he wasn't picking up. I told Jonah to tell Elijah this is his last chance. If he doesn't pick up the toys he will get a spanking.

Jonah heads down stairs and I hear the following conversation:

Jonah: Elijah, this is your last chance! Pick up the toys! Do you know what last chance means?

Elijah: No, what does it mean?

Jonah: Well last chance means this is the last time you get a chance at doing something! So you better do it or else!

Elijah: Oh, I see. The last chance.


Jonah and Richard were riding bike to church. They were both riding on the street and when the got to a rough part of the road Jonah headed up the sidewalk. Richard asked him what he was doing and Jonah said, "the road was grumpy and I like it smooth better when I ride bike."


This morning Jonah asked me to help him put new batteries in a toy. I did and it wasn't working so we tried new batteries and he wanted to try to do it himself. After a good attempt he brought it back to me and said:

Jonah: Mom I need a Lucy.

Me: Excuse me? Who is Lucy?

Jonah: No mom! I need you to do a Lucy on my car.

Me: What? I don't know what you mean Jonah. I am sorry. Did you name your car Lucy?

Jonah: Argh! Mom, you know righty tighty lefty a Lucy!


Jonah has been working on time and days of the week lately. He also has been asking me how old he will be when he goes to school this fall and how old everyone else will be.

Jonah: Mom, how old will Isaac be when I go to school?

Me: Umm. He will be 6 months old.

Jonah: Wow! He will be 6! Then he will be older than me because I am only 5 and 6 comes after 5!

Me: No. Isaac isn't 1 yet because he was just born. Remember how there are 7 days in a week and 30 days in a month?

Jonah: Yeah. So he is 7 + 30? That is a BIG number. That comes after 5 too!

Me: No. There are 12 months in a year so Isaac will be 6 months old or 1/2 a year old when you go to school.

Jonah: How many is 1/2 a year?

Me: 6 months Jonah.

Jonah: Oh, so he will be 6! I knew it!

Me: Never mind buddy.


Jonah: Mom you just had one baby in your tummy right?
Me: Yep. Just Isaac, why buddy?

Jonah: Well, just wondering 'cause it looks like the doctor left one in there after she took Isaac out!

Me: Thanks Jonah! That is just my skin and extra stuff from when Isaac was in my tummy. It will take awhile for it to go away.

Jonah: Oh, I thought maybe a baby sister was in there. Bummer!


The other day I was driving and the boys were playing batman and robin. I thought I heard Jonah saying something inappropriately so I reminded them we don't use potty talk.

Jonah: Mom we weren't being unappropriate, we were playing batman and robin at the park.

Me: I thought I heard some potty talk. What are they doing at the park?

Jonah: They are playing with their "booberang"

Me: (trying not to laugh). Their boomerang you mean?

Jonah: Yeah. Their boobemerang.

Me: Jonah it is BOOMERANG. Boom, a loud noise, then erang.

Jonah: Yeah a boobemerang! That is what I said.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Back off Satan

I have been struggling with many things lately...

I guess mostly feeling inadequate.

Not loving my body or the fact that I have ZERO clothes that fit right

Frustrated and worn out from continuously disciplining and redirecting our older two

(you know how parenting is a roller coaster and your kids go from behaving and obeying to being the complete opposite? They just have to test the waters and make sure you still will follow through? We are at a testing stage on our roller coaster)

For this reason have considered quitting motherhood. Not feeling like I am cut out for this.

Wondering if God made a mistake when he thought I was the one to raise these three boys.

Perhaps I should start taking applications to fill the position.

I have also been haunted by the piles of dirty clothes, dirty dishes, unplanned dinners, countless projects and dust bunnies lurking in every corner of our house! Eeek!

I have been selfish and haven't been able to give my fabulous hubby the attention he deserves.

By the end of the day when he comes home, I am grumpy, worn out, and drained.

I need a mommy makeover!

I am feeling a bit depressed AND I have allowed Satan to poison my self esteem with fallacy.

After an emotional breakdown I finally decided perhaps I should consult a higher authority for some advice as to how I could make it through another day...

Weird that God was right there ready to help!

So early this morning, when I was up feeding Isaac and the house was quiet I surrendered my load to Hid feet. I did what I should have done long ago...pray.

And not the selfish prayers that I have been praying (Lord, if they do that one more time... or I just need one good day Lord, one good day...or Really? Is that my child peeing outside church?)

So instead when I confessed that I had been wrong by trying to get through each day, each tantrum, each moment without the Lord I experienced something I haven't felt for awhile.

Peace filled my heart.

With tears in my eyes I was reminded of something He has taught me many times.

Would the hills be as beautiful if you had not walked through the deep valley to get there?

Would the sunshine be as bright if you had not experienced the darkness?


I looked down at my sleeping baby through blurry eyes and he smiled.

He is proof that every step in the valley is worth it.

Last year at this time I spent my days begging the Lord to fill my womb with life and to fill me with peace and patience as I waited for His plan.

Every dark day that is spent walking toward the beautiful hill and sunshine that God has set for you is worth it.

So I praised the Lord for His wisdom, love, and patience.

I also prayed that Isaac would be a constant reminder in my life of the dark valleys leading to beautiful hills.

I pray my days will be spent telling Satan to back off.

His dark magic and words of unworthiness are not going to work today.

Because the Lord's got my back!

Thursday, April 8, 2010


A few days ago the boys were playing house.

Jonah was the daddy, Elijah was the big brother, and Isaac (sitting in his swing nearby) was the baby brother.

My heart was instantly bursting with love as I watched them "play house." It was very sweet to watch Jonah reading Elijah a story and Elijah asking Isaac if he wanted a snack. I continued asking them questions and then wondered where the mommy was.

They told me she was dead.

(Insert jaw drop and heart break)

"Oh no!" I said.

Jonah told me (very nonchalantly), "Don't worry, there are milk bags in the freezer for baby Isaac so we'll be okay."

I wasn't sure wether I should laugh or cry.

I was proud that they did think about feeding Isaac during their grieving. But just a little sad no one was concerned that the mommy was gone!

Monday, April 5, 2010

Happy Birthday to my Hubby!

Today is my Hubby's Birthday!
I am so blessed to be his wife.
I am so blessed that he is the father of our three amazing boys.
After almost 13 years together (almost 7 of them married) I am still falling more in love with him every day.

Love, you are wonderful and I thank the Lord for bringing you to this world 28 years ago. I am so thankful He brought us together as well. You have taught me so much about life, love, and Christ. You have helped shape me into the woman I am today. I am looking forward to helping you celebrate many more years on this Earth. Thank you for loving us. I pray you are able to realize how blessed we are to call you husband, father, and friend.

Happy Birthday Babe!

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Easter 2010

Today is a day for celebrating.
He is Risen.
Christ died on the cross for our sins.
We didn't deserve it. God loves us that much.
It is overwhelming to think about what He did.
As a mother of three sons, I can't begin to imagine sacrificing their lives for sinners to become whole and clean.
Our hearts are full with love and we are overjoyed to be celebrating today.
God has entrusted these three boys to us.
We pray their hearts will be filled with Christ's love.
We pray they will continue celebrating his resurrection for many more years.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Missing Jakers

Yesterday we had to say goodbye to a great friend. He was my parent's dog and he was almost 8 years old. Jake was the perfect dog for us and we loved him so much. He was great with the boys and loved to snuggle up with you on the couch. He loved to play with them in the house or outside, chasing them around and playing fetch.

He was also a wonderful "babysitter" when the boys were little. If they were crying or fussing he was right there to see if they were okay and licking their face. He would also come bark at you if you took too long to check on them. He was also excellent at letting us know if the boys were getting into trouble, by blowing their cover with barking or just coming to get us and leading us to them!

He was afraid of anything that moved and made noise, but he loved going for walks and rides in the car. He may have had an undiagnosed anxiety disorder, but we loved that about him. He was always at the door to greet you when you came home or came over to my parents.

He seemed fine last weekend, but Monday was acting funny so Tuesday morning my dad took him into the vet. They found a tumor in his lungs that was covering his whole left lung leaving only one lung to function properly! We waited to make sure there was nothing else we could do and after a rough night on Thursday night we knew Friday he would have to be put to sleep.

We spent the day holding him and loving him up! He had a hard time eating the last few days because the tumor was pushing on his esophagus. We took him for a walk (he sat in the wagon) and for a car ride before bringing him to the vet.

Ironically he was the calmest he has ever been when we got there. It was comforting to see that he wasn't nervous or scared and we felt he was ready to go. We couldn't stand to see him in pain any longer or watch him cough up blood anymore!

It was hard to say goodbye and hard still to realize that he is gone. Last night was so strange to come over to my parents house and not have him there at the door to greet us or not hearing his pitter patter on the tile throughout the house. I gave Elijah a bath last night and it sure felt weird to not have Jake right next to me making sure Elijah was ok.

No one really knows what happens to animals after they pass away, but I would like to believe they go to heaven as they are one of God's creations.

When we told the boys about Jake being sick and needing to go see Jesus, Jonah sure had a hard time with it. He and I shed tears together and held each other as we talked about all the fun times we had with Jake. Jonah also said "Hey, Grandpa Bob loved Jakers and I bet he is going to take good care of him for us and share his french fries with him." (My grandpa who passed away on Isaac's birthday did love Jake and also loved tormenting him with french fries during his last year on earth).

We sure miss you Jake and I am so glad for so many great memories with you and with the boys! Even if we get another dog, he will never be like you!