I have been struggling with many things lately...
I guess mostly feeling inadequate.
Not loving my body or the fact that I have ZERO clothes that fit right
Frustrated and worn out from continuously disciplining and redirecting our older two
(you know how parenting is a roller coaster and your kids go from behaving and obeying to being the complete opposite? They just have to test the waters and make sure you still will follow through? We are at a testing stage on our roller coaster)
For this reason have considered quitting motherhood. Not feeling like I am cut out for this.
Wondering if God made a mistake when he thought I was the one to raise these three boys.
Perhaps I should start taking applications to fill the position.
I have also been haunted by the piles of dirty clothes, dirty dishes, unplanned dinners, countless projects and dust bunnies lurking in every corner of our house! Eeek!
I have been selfish and haven't been able to give my fabulous hubby the attention he deserves.
By the end of the day when he comes home, I am grumpy, worn out, and drained.
I need a mommy makeover!
I am feeling a bit depressed AND I have allowed Satan to poison my self esteem with fallacy.
After an emotional breakdown I finally decided perhaps I should consult a higher authority for some advice as to how I could make it through another day...
Weird that God was right there ready to help!
So early this morning, when I was up feeding Isaac and the house was quiet I surrendered my load to Hid feet. I did what I should have done long ago...pray.
And not the selfish prayers that I have been praying (Lord, if they do that one more time... or I just need one good day Lord, one good day...or Really? Is that my child peeing outside church?)
So instead when I confessed that I had been wrong by trying to get through each day, each tantrum, each moment without the Lord I experienced something I haven't felt for awhile.
Peace filled my heart.
With tears in my eyes I was reminded of something He has taught me many times.
Would the hills be as beautiful if you had not walked through the deep valley to get there?
Would the sunshine be as bright if you had not experienced the darkness?
I looked down at my sleeping baby through blurry eyes and he smiled.
He is proof that every step in the valley is worth it.
Last year at this time I spent my days begging the Lord to fill my womb with life and to fill me with peace and patience as I waited for His plan.
Every dark day that is spent walking toward the beautiful hill and sunshine that God has set for you is worth it.
So I praised the Lord for His wisdom, love, and patience.
I also prayed that Isaac would be a constant reminder in my life of the dark valleys leading to beautiful hills.
I pray my days will be spent telling Satan to back off.
His dark magic and words of unworthiness are not going to work today.
Because the Lord's got my back!