Sunday, May 9, 2010

To the Mother of My Three Sons

My fabulous husband, my fantastic husband, my amazing husband who does no wrong….hmm, I often wonder how Becky has managed to keep this second husband of hers hidden from me these last two years. As I read Beck’s posts I am often amazed at how her perspective of me changes as she reflects on her life while addressing the keyboard. Not only her perspective of me, but of her children, her immediate family, and even her in-laws. As she pauses she is able to see with great clarity the love that Christ lavishes on her. She is able to see His great and continued blessings. Though she is able to see beyond the nitty gritty of the day to day grind of relationships when she sits down to spill her life out into the seemingly unbounded world wide web, in my experience she struggles greatly to step away from herself and see the amazing woman that God has created. On perhaps more than one occasion after an exasperating day of toddlers, she has plopped into her favorite spot on the couch in tears and demanded to know why, or even if, I love her. In those moments it doesn’t matter what I say, for her jury of one has already condemned her as a terrible mother and wife.

I, however, have the pleasure of watching this beautiful woman each and every single day from a vantage point that is much different than her own. As I watch, I see a woman of great value, not only as a wife and mother but as a friend, a sister, a daughter. One aspect of her personality that I find irresistible and frustrating at the same time is her sensitivity and compassion. When God paired us together, he went with the opposites attract cliché, for I do not exactly exuberate sensitivity or compassion. Becky is my balance; she keeps me from completely obliterating relationships with blunt words or rash actions, words or actions that are without malice. They are simply without understanding, understanding of how they will impact others, whether that be directly or indirectly. She, on the other hand, always picks up on the unsaid. When I ask how someone is doing and they say fine, I take it at face value. Becky on the other hand can see beyond the obvious and detect when someone is hurting and needs more than I am able to offer. I am amazed again and again how she is able to minister to the needs of those around her, whether they be emotional or physical. These characteristics make her an amazing mother, friend, and nurse.

As great as this sensitivity and compassion are to those around her, they sometimes seem a curse to her. It is from her care, her passion for others, that so much of her frustration and feelings of inadequacy derive. It is almost as if she feels too deeply, to the point of not being able to separate herself from others’ hurts or failings. Where she senses need unmet (for example my inability to be sensitive or our children’s need to respect and honor adults), she takes that need upon herself, not only the need but their failure as well. Here in lies the problem. It is at this point that frustration sets in. When she is not able to fix or help, she goes crazy. When she goes crazy, rationality goes out the window, and she then demands of me why I love her.

Rebecca, it is for this great love, this great caring and compassion for others, that I find you beautiful and irresistible. I look forward to our boys recognizing this someday, probably many years form now, and realizing with great awe with what an amazing mother they have been blessed. Happy Mother’s Day, Dear. I love you.

1 comment:

Irene said...

Wow! God bless you both!
(Love the pics)
Mom