Trust in the Lord

If you are a frequent visitor of my blog you are aware of my struggles with trust in my walk with the Lord. This isn't because the Lord isn't trustworthy, and He has even shown me this multiple times. However, I struggle with control issues and thus completely trusting the Lord with His plan and not my own.

I have recently felt challenged by the Lord in this area. I am humbled by how the Lord is always there and always provides. I am humbled by His plan for our lives. I am not sure if I can put to words how I feel but here it goes.

Richard often refers to me as momma bear. I am more protective of our kids than he is. I worry a little more and like to keep them a little closer than he does. I am thankful for His ability to let go and let our boys live a little. I know this has helped them learn the balance they need as they are growing and learning about the world.

The momma bear gene is always a little heightened when I am pregnant. This, of course, is magnified by the fact that I am a NICU nurse and have a very distorted view of "normal" in regards to pregnancy and birth. I feel overwhelmed with love for this little peanut who helplessly depends on my body to support him or her until he or she arrives. I am also a worrier and struggle with not knowing the unknown.

I am confident one of the reasons the Lord chose Richard to be my husband, is that he is not a worrier. One of his strengths is his ability to trust the Lord and listening to God's plan for our family. He also helps me remember that I am not in control and gently reminds me to trust God's plan. (I am a little surprised he hasn't made a sign that says "TRUST THE LORD" that he could hold up everytime I need a little reminder).

Wednesday we will be 14 weeks! A major milestone for so many reasons: we made it to the 2nd trimester, I will hopefully start feeling better in the next few months, and we are that much closer to meeting our precious child. This also means we are only a few weeks from our 20 week ultrasound. This is always such a high anxiety provoking event for me! Being able to see for ourselves that this little one is healthy and whole will be a relief.

Each day that goes by and our baby continues to thrive is a blessing in my eyes. I find myself enjoying this pregnancy and not worrying as much. I am praising the Lord for the puking and feeling rotten as I know this is a good sign of a healthy pregnancy. I also know that I have no control over what we will see at the 20 week ultrasound. This frightens me a little. There is no guarantee this little one will be ok. However, God has spoke to me during quiet times and through the songs during worship on Sunday and through the faithfulness of friends.

He has said yet again, "Becky, I am in control. I have a plan for you, for this child whom I am given you, and for your family. Trust me. I love you."

So I don't know what will happen at that appointment, or tomorrow for that matter. I do know that whatever challenges are presented to us, the Lord will be there right beside us. I pray for the strength to praise Him despite how the plan coordinates with my own. He has provided, supported, and held me up before. He will do it again. I will not be alone.

Until then I will continue celebrating each day of this little one's life. Whether that be weeks, days, months, or years. I will praise his precious name.