Saturday, March 28, 2009

Surrender

This week I have been able to enjoy a longer quiet time than I usually am allowed.  As a result of this, I have spent more time on my knees, with a quiet heart, and open ears.  My heart has been burdened for Stellan (whose little heart has been in SVT for days), for the flooding victims up here who are evacuating their homes and have no where to go, and other prayer requests that have been brought to me. As I have been on my knees praying for these things and more, Satan has tried to fill my body with anxiety.  The Lord is good, however, and quickly calms my nerves and fills me with an indescribable peace. I have also been praying fervently for desires of my own heart. Desires for more children.  

I have shared before how the Lord often uses things in my daily life to speak to me.  He has done so this week so loudly that it has knocked me flat on my face at His feet.  I have felt my control over everything being pulled away from me as I have slowly allowed the Lord to carry my hearts desires.  I have felt peace, as more is given.  

As I was doing a devotional from my wonderful book, 10-Minute Time Outs for Moms by Grace Fox, this week I was humbled.  I had just prayed for God to help me give Him the desires of my heart and praying for peace and understanding as I wait for His plan to unfold, rather than trying to take control. The devotion that day was titled the Script Writer. (On a side note, I do not always take time for this daily so some days I do more than one, there is no rhyme or reason to when I do one from this book).  Grace pointed out that God writes our life's script. Although we don't always agree and wonder if He has taken a break and picked up Starbucks and a good book and forgotten us. That is NOT the case.  I will just share what she wrote next, as I can not do it justice:

"Some days we feel like grabbing the pen from His almighty hand and editing out the parts we don't like. But as we relinquish control, we find peace and joy in Him rather than in circumstances.  We discover His wisdom, patience, love, faithfulness, and strength.  As we grow in our knowledge of God and obey His word, our faith blossoms. Our negative or critical thought patterns change to thanksgiving and praise.  We begin to see our life's script in light of eternity, from God's perspective."

Wow!  God is so sneaky!  He has been teaching me these things for some time now and right when I am at my breaking point, He gently reminds me of these tools and pushes me forward.  

If that wasn't enough, while I was reaching this point of enlightenment, the song Surrender by Barlow Girl came on.  I had changed/added music to my playlist on my blog (at the bottom) just a few days earlier.  I had never heard the song before and listened to only a few lines before adding it and reminding myself to really listen to it later.  It also came on while I was writing this post.  Coincidence? I think NOT!  The music is set to random so that each time my blog is opened it will start at a new song. If you aren't familiar with this song, scroll down to the bottom of the page and select it.  I truly listened to this beautiful song with tear stained cheeks and blurry vision. Here are the lyrics if you are interested. 

I have so much to learn and am trying, as hard as I can, to patiently wait on the Lord.  I know He is the great author of my life.  I know He has a plan for me that is greater than anything I can imagine.  Is it what I would have written for myself? Probably not. Is that ok. Yes!  Will my days of waiting be filled with days of tears and days of smiles. Probably. I feel so blessed to know the Lord and have Him by my side. I will Praise Him for my trials and Praise Him for this time, and wait as I surrender to Him. 

3 comments:

Prachar family said...

I think this issue is the hardest and most freeing at the same time! You worded it so elegantly and I can totally relate! I am a control freak myself!

Cindy and company said...

Beautiful. Beautifully broken. Beck, I love ya. And I miss ya.

Richard and Becky said...

I, too, look forward to seeing God's script play out in your life, for His plan is good and perfect. His desire is to move you from your fallen state to that that you will some day take in His presence. This is a continual process that requires trial and struggle; it is through these times that God's work is most intensive. I pray that you will continue to take shelter under his wing and find your strength in His promise, His truth, emerging on the other side refined and even more beautiful.

I love you, Babe.
Richard