Anger Management and A Sneaky God

I write this with tears streaming down my face because I have been humbled (yet again) by the love and sneakiness (is this a word?) of the Lord. Today was the first day I was able to attend MOPS. For those of you who don't know what this is, it stands for Mothers Of Preschoolers, and is an international organization and basically a place where moms can get together and encourage one another and learn together. Check it out at http://www.mops.org/ In Grand Forks, they meet twice a month for about 2 hours and daycare is provided, while we moms get to have a wonderful breakfast, some well deserved fellowship time, and a lesson pertinent to surviving motherhood.

I have to admit I was a little nervous to go. For those of you who know me well enough you are probably thinking huh? like I was when I first felt this. A) I am a very outgoing person who is rarely scared of a "group" setting and B) I love fellowship and an opportunity to make new friends. So why was I nervous? After a little QT with JC (quiet time with Jesus Christ) I realized I wasn't scared to go because I thought I wouldn't be accepted. Who else would be more welcoming than a group of moms who know firsthand the struggles of motherhood: keeping sane while responsibly raising your full-of-energy children to become respectful, loving, followers of Christ, while loving your husband, caring for your home, and working? I think this group is the most accepting because we all know how this job (motherhood) is by far the hardest, most time consuming, important thing we will ever do. When you become a mother you learn things about yourself you probably didn't want to know. This is why I was scared. I have felt led to be a part of MOPS for a few years now and my wonderful work schedule had never allowed for it. I now know God was calling me here because he knew I needed it. I was scared to face my faults, flaws and failures as a mother.

Back to the story...so the morning was spent with raised voices, crying children and timeouts. The boys woke up well and started out playing nicely (which led hurricane Jonahelijah coming through) and had a mental breakdown when I told them they needed to pick up all their toys. I have started rotating toys so the boys think their old toys are more fun cause they are in storage for a bit before being played with again. I have been reinforcing a new rule where they need to put things away before taking out something else. If they don't follow through the toys end up in timeout and are taken away until they are willing to pick them up. Fortunately we have never reached this point...until this morning. So, I had to follow through and take them away. Yikes! Then, I would normally allow them to watch a bit of a movie while I get ready, but this is not allowed when you have two boys who have disobeyed. To make a long story short, I was frustrated because we were late, the morning started off poor and I was angry with myself for loosing my cool. I have been praying a lot for help with my anger and temper with the boys lately. I feel often it stems from my lack of sleep due to my odd hours and their desire for my attention. Once in the car, ready to go, I asked for the boys forgiveness and prayed we would have a better day.

Here comes the part about God being sneaky. What do you think MOPS was about today? Yep. Anger Management Baby! I was welcomed by many warm smiles and felt a lot easier once I got there. I was also nervous about leaving Elijah because he is very clingy when I am home and just misses me. He wanted to be a "big boy" and go with Jonah, but survived in the room with his fellow two year olds. Then, when the speaker came up to share about Anger Management I almost burst into tears because God is soooooo good!

The speaker did a great job helping us moms recognize our own anger and troubleshoot how to prevent situations form occuring. She offered multiple alternatives to things I often do which do not help the situation when my children and/or myself are angry. She helped us all think about our children and helping them recognize the anger and how to handle it. Then, one of the best parts was afterwards moms asking questions and sharing their own discipline/anger struggles related to their children and what has worked for them. If their is one thing I have learned about motherhood is that you can read a million books and think you are ready for that little one, but the truth is you aren't. God has given me the priviledge of being a mother to Jonah, Elijah and hopefully other children someday. I get paid in hugs and kisses and the joy of watching my children grow and expeirience the world.

I am going to try to implement my new techniques and will let you know how it goes. One thing I have done is encourage Jonah to remind me to pray when I get angry and upset. It's one thing to remember it yourself, but when your 3 year old tells you to take a deep breath and pray to Jesus to help you through your frustrations it is totally different.

One of the books that was recommended by one mom (which I am curious to check out) was called "creative correction" and is supposed to be creative alternatives for your children during discipline/anger issues and bible verses to accompany it. http://www.creativecorrection.com/

I am turning over a new leaf, and I am sure this will take time, but I know I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!

Lessons from my sons

So yesterday I had a wonderful day with my boys...if only I could just be home every day and soak up their love for life, the excitment they get when they discover something they can do, and how proud they are to show me. We spent the morning at home just playing, then went and ran a few errands. They were both ANGELS! I was quite shocked, but prayed a quick "thanks Jesus" each time we successfully left another store without a broken item, tantrum, escape, or just a discipline session. Our last stop was Target (surprise, surprise) and on our way out the parking lot we saw a couple standing on the side of the road with a "hungry, will work for..." sign.

***Let me take a time out and explain that a few weeks ago we encountered the same senario and Jonah was of course full of questions about this. He wondered why the man didn't just go to Target and get a snack like fruit snacks or cookies. I tried to explain that this man probably didn't have any money, which Jonah followed with "maybe he doesn't know where the bank is? Should we show him the way mom?". We had a very in depth discussion about why a person may not have food, money, a place to live, why mom and dad have to work, etc. He wanted to give the man something, and at the time I did not have anything to give***

So back to my story, Jonah saw the sign and said, "Hey mom, that man is hungry can we give him some food?" I had already turned the corner and thought for a minute about just going home, but Jonah persisted that we could give him our bananas we had just bought. So we made a full circle and I got out and gave the very thankful couple our bananas. Once back in the car, Jonah said "Good job mom! Hey, know what else we can do?" (this kind of a question always makes me a little nervous as I am never sure what he thinks of) "We could pray to Jesus so that man has a house and food!"

Wow! So, we pulled over and my 3 1/2 year old son prayed for the "banana man" and we had another discussion about being like Jesus. Jonah followed it up with "Jesus is happy right now isn't he mom? 'Cause we gave that man our bananas?" ***When the boys make a poor decision (disobeying, hurting each other, etc.. we talk about if the choice was one that would make Jesus happy or sad).

Thanks Jonah for helping me remember that loving Jesus is rarely comfortable. It means getting out of the car and stopping traffic to spread His love. Even if you are late for lunch/naps because you spent too much time looking at things you can't buy! I know we will encounter this situation again and maybe next time I can JUMP out of my comfort zone and pray with the poor souls who are standing, waiting for handouts. I encourage you all to look for the uncomfortable situations to love and share the love of Jesus!

Questions from a toddler

So Jonah has been asking me some very interesting questions and I wanted to share them with you. (if anyone knows the answers please let me know so I can share them with him)

(while I was putting helping him get dressed putting a t-shirt then a long sleeved shirt on) Jonah: Mom, why do I need two shirts?

Me: It is cold right now, honey, and it will warm up later so when you get hot we can take it off.

Jonah: Why don't we wear two pair of pants? Or I could wear shorts under and if I get hot I could take the pants off.

Me: Good question, I guess it might not be as comfortable and I think it is easier to just wear a tshirt and long sleeve and pants

Jonah: But it is easier to pull of your pants than take of a shirt.

Me: True. That is just how life is I guess. We wear two shirts and one pair of pants.

Jonah: (while putting a hand on my shoulder) Sometimes you just need one mom, and have to trust that its enough.

I guess I hadn't thought of this before and decided it was not worth arguing over so that was the end of the two shirt, on pair of pants conversation.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This next one occurred right before we went to our new Pediatrician for Elijah's 2 year check up.

Me: Jonah and Elijah we are going to the doctor today for Elijah to make sure he is healthy.

Jonah: Do I get a turn? ( our previous pediatrician would "check" Jonah over when we were there for Elijah so he would feel included. Will I get an owie? (shot)

Me: No, you won't have a turn and no you shouldn't get an owie.

Jonah: Did Dr. Miller move to this town too?

Me: No, we are going to have a new doctor in our new town. His name is Dr. Lunn.

Jonah: He is a boy! Boys can be doctors too??? (our previous MD was a female and I guess it never occurred to me that Jonah had not seen very many male physicians before)

Me: Yes, boys can be doctors too! (never thought I would have this conversation with my son)

Jonah: (to Elijah) I never knew....that doctors could be boys too. Did you know Elijah?

Elijah: uh-huh

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The following conversation occurred between the boys before falling asleep last night.

Jonah: I am scared, I want to sleep in your bed, I want the light on.

Elijah: Jonah go to sleep. God is so Big. He will keep you safe. God is so big.

Jonah: Oh, thanks little buddy. Good night.

***Lately for songs before bed we have been singing twinkle little rock star (the air guitar version) and God is so big (a song Jonah loved when Grandma Irene sang it to him once and now Elijah is hooked)*****

Here it is if you want to hear it: My God is so Big

Not Me! Monday (on thursday???)

One of the blogs that I love reading (a mother of 3 soon to be 4 children who loves the Lord) and encourages me to be a better mom, wife and follower. She started a blog carnival of denial-truth. She calls it "being brutally honest and living to tell about it." You can hopefully follow a link on my blog to MckMamas. It is surprisingly therapeutic and fun so I wanted to join in. Just read the rest and you will get the picture! I hope you join in the fun as well...

1. No I did NOT write this on Thursday because I did not want to admit my inept computer skills and it has taken me a few days to figure out how to do it.
2. No I did NOTlet my children watch a movie on monday morning while I dozed in and out on the couch because we had a blast in MN all weekend with our great friends Will and Kate and I did not stay up late every night and get up early and brought upon myself this sleep deprived state.
3. No I did NOT have on of the worst days in my history as a mother last Friday upon which I spent the morning yelling, spanking and sending my kids to timeout. And my 3 1/2 year old did Not tell me tha the hated me and wanted a new family that was nicer to him and a new mommy. Nope, not my sweet 3 1/2 year old who always obeys me and never does anything wrong!
4. No I did NOT make my husband feel worse when he lost his wallet by asking him more than once why he put his wallet on top of the car after getting gas on our trip home from MN. Of course he did not already feel bad about it! (He found it the next day on the on ramp to the interstate just feet from the gas station. Everything was present, a little bent, but present. God is soooo Good!)
5. No I did NOT spend the other evening reading tons of blogs and surfing the internet while my husband was out for his daily hour plus run instead of doing things more productive like cleaning or super fun things like folding clothes.
6. No I did NOT spend the WHOLE day in my pajamas on monday
7. No I did NOT want to sell my 3 1/2 year old on sunday when we were at the Mall of America and he was having a world record breaking tantrum because we only went on one ride and he wanted to go on another one and meet sponge bob. He was Not doing this because his father and I kept him up past his naptime so we could go to IKEA and have a few more hours with our friends Will and Kate before heading back to ND. Nope, I am sure that had nothing to do with it.
8. No I did NOT order the last Karen Kinsbury book "Sunset" instead of waiting an incredibly long time for our library to get it in. Nope, because this is the 14th book of the series and I don't own any of the other books, so it would be silly to own only the last one right?
9. No I did NOT take a nap in the car on the way to Minneapolis and the way back while my amazingly wonderful husband drove because I wasn't tired and neither was he!

Wow! That feels good! I hope you can find time for this therapeutic blogging adventure also. If I am able to figure this out, I will hopefully be able to do this on monday next week!

Superduperpooper!

If that title doesn't make you read a post I am not sure what will!  Today was a monumental day in the Dafoe house!  Elijah was getting dressed this morning (well actually I was getting him dressed), and he told me he had to pee so we ran into the bathroom to use the potty.  He was straining so hard "to make the potty come out" that I was afraid something else was going to come out so I asked if he wanted to sit down and try.  After getting him set up he immediately pooped and peed in the toilet!  I am so proud of him, but it was more fun to see how proud he was of himself!  I am not sure what to make of this because he doesn't really show me any other signs that he is ready to potty train.  I am not sure if I am brave enough to just throw him in some underwear for a day just to see how he does.  He did however have a repeat performance this evening during bath time. Both boys were in the tub playing and Jonah had to climb out to go. I heard Elijah calling my name and came in to find him in the bathroom pointing to little surprises in the tub!  He had told Richard he had to go potty too when Jonah climbed out, but Richard assumed he was just wanting to copy Jonah like everything else during the day.  Oh well! I guess we won't second guess him any more ;0)  

Weird how you can be so proud of your child for doing something so basic and natural to an adult!  It made me a little sad in a way because it is just another reminder of how he really isn't my baby any more!  He is getting more grown up every day! Which he does remind me of course! I got a couple of great pictures of this special day. I am sure he'll love them when he is 18.  If you need to hear more about it, give us a call...he loves telling the story.  Jonah was relatively easy to potty train and we were pretty spoiled by him.  I have had a fear that Elijah wouldn't be so easy. Partly because of his stubborn nature and partly because he isn't as bothered by being dirty like his big brother.  Only time will tell I suppose. For now, I will relish the first big step!

It warms my heart

I have prayed for the day when I would be able to be home mostly and just work enough to A)Keep my nursing license/skills B) Take care of those cute little patients and C) have a little time out of the house.  That day is almost here as I am nearing the end of my orientation at Altru and looking forward to just working my two 12hr shifts a week!  The other days I get to be home with the boys.  I have been working full time during my orientation and therefore not seeing the boys very often. The days I am home I have been making an effort to spend more time with the boys and less time on our house.  I have also been working on my patience and realizing how much I have learned and have to learn about being an effective mother of two toddlers, while trying to instill Christ's love and lessons in them. I am hoping to read some parenting books in my free time (oh wait, I don't really have any of that) so if you have any suggestions let me know.  

Over the past few weeks I have been spending my days full of Thanks for the Lord.  Here are a few things that have warmed my heart...

• snuggling with the boys in the morning (this has become a ritual if I am home)
  
• lots of hugs and kisses when I come home/leave for work
  
• seeing life from the eyes of my toddlers
  
• being able to enjoy my days home with these two
  
• seeing richard's soul excited to teach and connect with the kids at school when he tells me about his day
• watching the boys with my family
  
• hearing Jonah talk about Iowa as his "other city" 
  
• reminicing about our time in iowa
  
• looking forward to meeting up with good friends
  
• having a home to call our own
  
• listening to the boys playing together
  
• being able to send them down into the basement to play
  
• getting to know our neighbors
  
• listening to the boys play outside while I work in the kitchen
• getting to spend time with my hubby in the evenings
• being able to go over to my parents house whenever
• being able to watch my little sister run
• how much they love to read
• helping Jonah with his "school work" (workbooks I got at the dollar bin at Target- my weakness I think- that he loves)
• getting phone calls from friends in Iowa
• connecting with friends here in ND

I know there are more but I am tired and my brain is shutting down. I hope you have things that warm your heart and you can cherish them!

M.I.A

I apologize for being M.I.A. but we have had a busy couple of weeks! My sister Nikki has been home in between clinical rotations and I have been enjoying her company. We had a few bridal showers for her and Tom which was lots of fun! She leaves on Friday and I am not sure if the boys are going to be able to handle that! They are doing better, as far as adjustments go, but this will be tough on them.

Jonah has decided "he likes his new city" and even though he misses numerous things about Iowa City (His friends: Caleb, Lilly, Abigail and Josiah, The library and the park, the children's museum, the mall and the parks) he thinks he will "be ok here" because Grandma, Grandpa, Laura, Jake and Nikki are here. He is so cute! He and Elijah have been LOVING the space in our new house and re-discovering their toys that have also been M.I.A. for a few months.

Richard started school yesterday and has therefore officially entered the workforce! Maybe I can get him to share some of his own stories on here ;0) We are still unpacking, getting settled, and making our home our own. We love visitors so come on over if you are in the neighborhood! Work is going well for me, but I sure miss UIHC and my lovely coworkers! I am greatful for my time there but wish it could have been a little longer!

Well, I better get back to mommy duty! I will hopefully write more later, but wanted to just let everyone know that we are doing pretty well!