Being Thankful

Don't you love it when you are convicted of something and while your heart is wrestling with the conviction God helps you by opening your eyes via a song, specific scripture during quiet time, sermon at church, or a phone call from a friend?

Even though it kind of makes me want to cower like a 2 year old being punished for something I did wrong, it is so uplifting at the same time. It is so humbling and encouraging that the Lord cares enough about me to do just that...let me know He cares.

I have been struggling recently with feelings of stress, anxiety, lack of control (which I don't ever have problems with of course), and frustration about being on bedrest. If you know me at all, you won't be surprised by this frustration with my lack of control over the situation. I feel totally helpless and pretty much like a bum. My WONDERFUL husband has been working overtime at home to fulfill ALL our needs. He is cooking, cleaning, caring for me and the kids on top of working and trying to maintain order in our home. He is doing a fabulous job by the way! But, it is hard to watch him having to take this all on and not be able to help!

My family has been so great too, helping out so much with the boys, running errands, and just keeping me company and forcing me to sit with my feet up. My friends have also been generous as well making meals, stopping by to help out and for visits, calling, texting or emailing. I feel like a prisoner and they all have no idea how much it means to me to have them take time from their busy schedules just to show me they love me!

Last week I was feeling overwhelmed by all the unknowns, my lack of control, and the stress of how are we going to make it if this continues? My husband listened to me rant and rave and calmly reminded me that instead of spending my time worrying I should be thinking of all the reasons why I am thankful for my present situation. Huh? Maybe I am a minority, but that certainly isn't my first response to a time like this. It should be, but it isn't.

However, once I started listing off all the things to be thankful for regarding my current situation, I could feel the Lord filling the darkness inside of me with light! So instead of worrying about how the money will stretch far enough, or if our baby will make it weeks more before delivery, or how much longer the boys are going to make it before they crack, I am being thankful.

I am thankful that...

1. First of all that this is God's plan for me, our child, and our family. Even though this wasn't my plan, it is the best one because it is His.
2. Our baby has tolerated this whole ordeal beautifully! He or she has never been in distress or showing signs of being compromised. PRAISE the LORD!!!!!
3. Even though I am not working, I do have some time saved for maternity leave and am still getting a pay check for the time being.
4. The boys have been struggling with this change, but are really handling it marvelously.
5. I am in my own home on bedrest and not in the hospital!
6. I can get up and move around my house a little bit, still able to shower each day, and still able to care for my kiddos (even if it is modified).
7. I have an amazing support system including my family and friends who have been angels during all this
8. My health is fine and I do not have any compromising factors that could complicate this bedrest/pregnancy even more!
9. I am almost 32 weeks (Thursday) and that itself is amazing!
10. God is in control!

So should I have been surprised that the sermon on Sunday was about being thankful in EVERY circumstance? Probably not. I was overwhelmed with tears and thankfulness as I was directed to verse after verse after verse in the bible referring to this exact command. God is good. I am thankful for that.

I pray I am able to continue this more positive and gracious way of thinking as I continue down this road with unknown turns, stops, valleys, and mountains. I am only able to do this with the strength of Christ.

I will also sure be thankful to hold this little bugger who has been causing all this excitement (whenever that may be). I am hoping that it will be later, but am still looking forward to it!

Christmas 2009

Although this post is a little late, I guess it is better than never! We had a wonderful time celebrating Christmas this year! I was on bedrest still and was originally supposed to be working so it was a nice surprise to be home with my family instead.

We started our celebration on Christmas Eve at our house. Our tradition is to have hors d'oeuvres on the 24th. We certainly didn't run out of food! We had shrimp cocktail, crackers with cheese and meat, fruit, veggies, little smokies, spinach artichoke dip, buffalo chicken dip, and sparkling juice. Then we headed over to my parents house to open a few gifts. It was a very relaxed and laid back evening.

Nikki and Tom made it safely to Grand Forks after a brush with death as they drove through the night to get here. They hit a patch of black ice, spun a number of times in a circle and ended up in the ditch. We are VERY grateful for the guardian angels watching over them and Tom's super strength to push them out. Even though we had to share them with Tom's family, we still had a blast! We miss them so much and it has been quite an adjustment to not see them very often so it was such a blessing to spend that time together.

Here are a few pictures from Christmas Eve:

Jonah so excited to see Nikki and Tom

Mom, Jonah and Nikki snuggling on the couch

The boys opening a few presents at my parents house. They weren't as excited about the new clothes as they were about the new addition to their nativity!

The boys got new pjs from my parents and had to wear them for the rest of the gift opening. They of course were sure that everyone needed help opening their presents too!

Christmas morning we (Richard, myself, and the boys) spent together at our house. We had cinnamon rolls (which weren't as good as our traditional Christmas egg bake, but were a good substitute due to the excitement from our pre-term labor).

The boys were also very good about taking turns to open their gifts and were so excited about each thing! They impressed us with their great attitudes and simply enjoying each gift they opened, never expecting more. They are growing up so fast!

Here is the traditional "before opening stockings on Christmas morning pic"

This picture is one of my favorites. I fortunately had a large majority of my Christmas shopping done this year before I was placed on bedrest. The boys actually were with me when I bought some of it too. Jonah noticed me purchasing this little lego set, which I told him was for another little boy and he spent the rest of the shopping trip saying that he sure wishes that was for himself and how much fun that little boy will have with it. When he opened it he was literally jumping up and down with excitement and I we were the best parents ever after this!

Our present to the boys this year was legos. They have recently been playing with the legos I had as a little girl at my parents house and really enjoying it. It was fun to watch their faces light up when they opened it and how excited they were to start building!

Richard and I were able to "play" a little too and help them build things for their lego city. I must say that I am pretty excited to do this with my boys! I never imagined having boys after being from a family of all girls and even though I hope to some day play dolls, barbies, or have tea parties with a daughter, these boys have opened my eyes to a whole new world...from superheroes to being rescued by a solider and now to legos!

We pretty much spent the rest of the morning hanging out in our pjs and playing with the boys. We also enjoyed watching the snow start falling. (Little did we know that we would be getting 25 inches of it and stranded across town for a few days). We headed over to my parents around lunch time and spent the next few days eating, playing, laughing, and just being together. It was marvelous. I spent 99.9% of my time sitting on the couch, with my feet up and relaxing!

Nikki and Tom joined us later in the day and we had them to ourselves for the rest of the evening. We had a delicious meal together, opened some more presents and played a few games.

Here is a few pics from our meal together

Here is a fun picture of me and my boys before opening presents

Nikki and Tom snuggling before opening presents

Nikki and Jonah putting together one of his new lego sets. Jonah and Elijah were in heaven the whole time with both aunties, and grandma and grandpa!!!!

Due to the snow, we ended up spending the next few days at my parents house. It was wonderful to see just be together. We were supposed to have a big Christmas get together with my Dad's side of the family, but it was cancelled due to the weather. We were sad we didn't get to see everyone, but it was nice to just keep relaxing together.

Here is a fun pic of my three boys reading a story before nap time one day.

The boys were able to have a sleepover with Nikki and Laura the night before Nikki headed back to Montana. It was so fun for them and fun to hear them talk about their sleepover too! We were pretty sad when Nikki and Tom had to head back to Montana, but soooo glad we got to see them for a few days! I am also excited that Nikki is going to try make a trip back this way in March after our baby is born!

Here is a picture of me at 30 weeks...one of my best Christmas presents by far...still being pregnant!

25 inches of snow

Over Christmas we had a "nice" little blizzard with 25 inches of snow! It was great for us because we were not planning on traveling any farther than my parents house which is a few miles away. I moved my bedresting self to their house and enjoyed my family for a few days. The boys are super excited about all the snow and have been playing in it almost daily. It has been so fun to watch them enjoying it with Richard too!

Here is the front of our house

This is Jonah standing on the snow pile looking out from our front door. He is touching the roof! Crazy that it is so high! The perfect sledding hill in our front yard though!

All three of my boys playing outside for the first time with all the snow.

Richard and Jonah were outside for hours and started working on a snow fort.

You can see how high the snow is compared to Richard's truck!

Here is a better picture of our whole house and the piles of snow

Elijah climbing out of the snow fort

Richard climbing out of the snow fort

Elijah hanging out inside the snow fort. Richard made it big enough for an adult to sit up in there comfortably. The boys can hardly wait for it to be finished so they can play in it!

Happy 5th Birthday Jonah

It seems like only yesterday you were snuggling on my shoulder in the hospital. It seems like only yesterday we were checking you out from head to toe, inspecting your cuteness after you were born!

I can hardly believe it has been 5 years since God blessed our family with you! Thank you for making me a mommy for the first time and thank you for being such a blessing the past 5 years. We love you so much and can't wait to watch you grow and discover God's plan for your life.

Happy 5th Birthday Jonah,

Love always Mom, Dad, Elijah and Baby

Christmas Blessing

Beautiful, fluffy, white snowflakes are dancing gracefully to the ground, adding to blankets of white snow that have accumulated while we slept. The Christmas lights are twinkling, soft Christmas music plays in the background, and two little boys full of energy and excitement are running around.

As I reflect upon the true meaning of Christmas and take time to ponder this I am overwhelmed by Christmas blessings. I am also wondering what Mary was thinking as she prepared for the birth of her son in a lowly stable. Was she scared, nervous, frightened, or at peace? Did she really know how much that little baby would change the world? Did she know that her baby boy was born so he would someday die for all?

As we prepare for the birth of our third child, we are remembering how quickly someone so small can change your lives. How quickly this little person turns your world upside down. They are unpredictable to say the least! As I am on bedrest for a few more weeks, I have been feeling convicted of knowing God has a plan for us and this little one. Preterm labor and bedrest is not the path I had chosen during this pregnancy. But, the Lord knew and He will provide. All I can do is wait patiently for His plan to unfold.

I have so many Christmas blessings to be thankful for. I am thankful for this little one staying in my belly for as long as he or she does. I am thankful that although I am afraid of what will happen, I know I will not walk it alone. I am thankful for my wonderful family and friends who have graciously been helping us out as I keep the couch warm. I am thankful for an amazing husband who is keeping me focused on God's plan and allowing me to worry about resting and keep this baby in and not about the boys or housework.

I have spent many hours in tears praying with the Lord for strength to not allow my mind to wander and consider all the what if's that accompany the delivery of such a little baby. I confessed to Richard that when we lost our last child (2 years ago) so early in the pregnancy, the hardest part was not being able to hold that baby in my arms and say goodbye. I have prayed that if God was to take this baby too, could he just allow the baby to be big enough to hold so I can say goodbye. However, now that I am facing this reality I of course do not want to give this baby up. I want to watch him or her grow, spend countless hours awake at night comforting my child, and watch this one grow with his or her big brothers. I do not want to say goodbye.

Did God want to say goodbye to His son? Did Mary? Did he want to watch His son suffer? I am sure he did not want this, but he did it for us! Wow! Could I do that if God asked me?

Today so many will gather with families, eat delicious food, exchange gifts, and make memories laughing, reflecting, and reminiscing. Some will pause to reflect on their own blessings this Christmas. Some will not. Many will forget all together though why we do gather to celebrate.

I pray you will have a joyous day celebrating Christ's birth with your loved ones. I pray that you will reflect upon your blessings this Christmas, but remember the ultimate gift we have been given. A little baby boy born in a manger to a virgin, the ultimate Christmas blessing.

30 weeks and more bedrest

Today the boys came with to my 30 week appointment and were excellent helpers! It was Richard's first day of Christmas break so he was able to come too. We had to wait for over an hour to see the doctor, which is no easy task with two toddlers and an impatient husband!

The appointment did not involve sword fights with stirrups or prizes for peeing in a cup, but both the boys were able to help our doctor find the baby's heartbeat. Elijah went first and after his regression to wanting me to do everything (short of going to the bathroom) for him since our last appointment I was utterly surprised when he asked to help. He was pretty proud to find it and exclaimed he was going to be a doctor. When I asked if he was going to be a doctor when he grew up he said nope just for Halloween next year.

The proud biggest brother took a turn next. He was also privileged to find the heartbeat right away (150s) and then proceeded to smear gel all over my belly "trying to find it somewhere else."

It was such a blessing to hear that little heartbeat again and know that he or she is doing just fine despite all the stress we are feeling! My doctor was concerned that I have been still having contractions despite being on bedrest at home and feels it would be best for the baby if I had a few more weeks of bedrest. She felt this was the best choice and we are going to reevaluate the decision at my next appointment (32 weeks). She felt that at that point I may be able to go back to work for 4 or 8 hour shifts. She also started me on nifedipine to help stop the contractions I am still having.

Although there were tears on my behalf about this decision, I am relieved that it was an easy one for her to make. I trust her judgement and ultimately want what is best for my baby. It is hard to not be caught up in the reality of it all. It is hard to not think how will we do it? It is easy to forget that God is in control and that He will provide!

It is also hard to know that my coworkers are going to be facing the craziest, busiest, unit they have seen in a long time without me. I know they understand, more than anyone else, how important it is for me to stay pregnant as long as possible. I feel truly blessed to have such amazing coworkers who care about me and are so supportive. I know this would be so much harder if they weren't so great! Hopefully I can make it up to them by keeping my baby out of the NICU and bringing them some treats!

I am also trying to think about how fortunate we are to not be spending our time in the NICU visiting our sick, premature infant and walking that road instead of this one!

Thanks to all for your prayers, support, emails, phone calls, etc. It has helped keep our spirits up more than you know! We are continuing to pray for this pregnancy to last weeks longer and for this little one to continue growing stronger each day.

29 week belly shot!

I missed documenting 28 weeks and was QUITE concerned that I would be posting pictures of our baby at this point and not another belly shot! Here we are at 29 weeks though, safe and sound in utero!

I thought we better get a Christmas tree shot too!

I am praising the Lord for each day we make it at this point! I am trying to be patient and remember that God has a plan and is in control. My wonderful husband is keeping me focused on this and trying to keep me calm!

Lord, thank you for the days and hopefully weeks more that this little one will be inside me! I know you have a plan for him or her and I pray you continue to give me peace and help me trust this plan. Thank you for your precious gift, YOUR son, and giving us a reason to celebrate this season! Thanks for wonderful friends and family who have been loving us as I take it easy. In your precious name, Amen!