To find out or not to find out...

...That is the question! We did not find out the sex of our boys. With Jonah (our first) we both didn't want to know so that made the decision easy. With Elijah I wanted to know and Richard didn't so we had the ultrasound tech peek and we decided to let the baby decide for us. He was modest and not reveling himself, which made our decision easy again.

However, this time around I REALLY want to know! I am not sure what the urgency is and why I all of the sudden want to know with #3. Partially I think it will help me make this more of a reality. The fact that I have a child growing inside of me still seems surreal. Could it really be? I am trying to be positive and just enjoy each moment instead of dwelling on the what ifs that plague me daily. I know this is Satan attacking me and I have been in constant prayer for the Lord to protect my heart and help me look forward to that day in February or March when we finally get to hold this precious son or daughter.

I also want to know because I want to prepare. This is the first time we will have a "nursery" for the baby and a space of it's own. I am of course excited about this and want to be ready in all senses. The third part of this is that track season will have started and Richard will probably be coaching in some way and will be absent often. The realistic, practical planner that I am knows that it will be virtually impossible to get many of these things done with two toddlers and a new baby while sleep deprived and hormonal. (Sounds a little like suicide to me actually).

Fortunately, I have a wonderful family who has offered to help paint, get ready, etc AFTER the baby is born because THEY don't want to know either!

Do you see my dilemma?

Richard really doesn't want to know. I have proposed that we choose a name for the baby and start referring to he or she as that so that I won't have to worry about slipping if I do know. It has been natural to refer to this baby as a he since that is all I have known. So, we have chosen Bruce (this will not be the child's real name, but just to please his or her big brothers who would like to name their little brother Bruce Wayne Batman Dafoe). Catchy I know, but not one on our "list" of possibilities. So we are referring to the baby as a He and calling him Bruce or Brucie (just in case it is a girl).

The other thought I had was all I really want to have on hand is the bedding. I CAN paint after the fact and get everything else ready AFTER if I have to. So, I proposed to Richard that I will order the girl and boy bedding I have picked out and have both here. I can pick out paint swatches and plan the nursery (not that I don't already know how I would like it) and be ready for a makeover when the little one declares the final verdict at birth.

A few of my fabulous coworkers have offered to let me ship items to their home if I do need to keep it top secret. So I have a few more weeks to decide. October 14th will be here sooner than I think! Until then I will continue to ponder and ponder.

Many have asked if I have a guess of the sex. I thought Jonah was a girl. In fact I was sure he was. I was obviously wrong. I was so sure I had to look for myself when they laid him on my chest after they announced "It's a boy" and I saw Richard crying like a baby. I thought Elijah was a boy, only because everything seemed the same. This time there are so many differences (which could just be written off as a "different pregnancy") but I am even more curious about what lies between those little legs! My batting record is 1 for 2 so I guess I really don't know.

I think rather than declare which sex I would like, I would like to chose the child's personality. I pray for a laid-back easy going infant like Elijah. But, I also pray for a child who has more of a tendency to obey the rules like Jonah. God is probably laughing right now because He is the only one who truly knows my little "Brucie" and thinks it humorous that I would try to assign traits to this unknown person.

First and foremost I desire a healthy child. If that child is a colicky, stubborn, high maintenance, demanding little one. So be it! For I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Who wants to remind me of that when I am exhausted two weeks after birth and waving the flag of defeat? Thanks!

Here is our little peanut at 14 6/7 weeks. He/She is laying on his/her back looking up. You can see the little nose, and eyes. The legs are sticking up and there is a perfect shot of one of the cute little legs. It is bent at the knee with a little flexed foot. You can see the ball of the femur at the top left of the picture and the knee is the bottom of the V made by the leg. The little part on the right of the V is the foot! (It's easier to see if you turn your head to the right. I would point it out, but I am not sure how to do that on the computer).

It was amazing to see that little bugger moving all around since I can't feel it yet. Hopefully soon I will! It was moving so quickly it was hard to look at anything for very long, but I did get to see the little heart beating!